I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
