How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize