I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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