u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
