I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
