she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
