So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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