The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
