When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
