a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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