So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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