alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
