HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
