i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
