She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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