found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
