sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
