He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
