So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
