Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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