i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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