I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
