just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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