I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
