I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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