rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think people are normalizing furries
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
