so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just found puke in my bra..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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