oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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