My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
