I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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