no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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