I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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