he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
