Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
