Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize