all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
