God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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