think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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