You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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