Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
