i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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