i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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