If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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