Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
