We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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