If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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