I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
