I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
