I just pynch a tree in the face
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
