when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
