oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
