I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
