you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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