Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
