Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
