Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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