I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
