I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
