you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
