I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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