He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you traded sex for a burrito?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
