id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
