My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
