All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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