First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
