You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
