she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
