SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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