Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize