i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize