I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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