I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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