Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
