I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
