its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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