1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
