If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
