i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
