dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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