NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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