Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
